


Vengeance is best served glittery

by BrightShadow



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Glitter, Jason Todd is a troll, Shenanigans, batfam, prank gone wrong, so much glitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 20:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightShadow/pseuds/BrightShadow
Summary: Tim pranks the wrong person, unleashing Jason's vengance upon the whole household. no one is safe.No one.





	Vengeance is best served glittery

There is a long, _long_ , silence as Jason stands as still as a statue in the doorway, thick glittery slime oozing down his shoulders and plopping on the floor from the bucket still upturned on his head. Tim stares, wide eyed with horror.

Jason slowly reaches up and lifts the bucket. Tim searches for signs of anger on his face but Jason’s eyes are closed and his face blank. Still moving slowly, Jason reaches up and wipes the worst of the slime from his face. It sloughs onto the ground with a plop. He opens his eyes and looks from the bucket to Tim. He raises his eyebrows.

“Uh,” Tim says, swallowing hard, “That was for Dick.” Tim winces as Jason examines his new shimmering and shining rainbow skin tone. Tim _may_ have added some… __special__  dye to the slime.

“I figured,” Jason says. He sounds calm, too calm. It occurs to Tim that he should have run the moment he realized his prank had befallen the wrong person.

Jason leans down and places the bucket on the ground. Definitely should have run. Should be running right now. Tim shifts his weight onto his toes. Jason glances at Tim’s feet, straightens, and meets Tim’s eyes. A too wide smile spreads across his face.

Slouching and 'casually' putting his hands in his pockets Jason says “Go on then." Tim bolts.

He can hear Jason hot on his heels but he doesn’t stop to look back. Can’t. Jason is too damn fast for a guy his size. __Unfair. Why does he get to be built like a brick wall__ ** _ ** _and_**_** _ _be fast?__

It doesn’t help that every one of Jason’s strides are two of Tim’s. Tim races past Bruce’s study and curses as he skids and trips on the floor runner while rounding the corner. It eats away the tiny lead Tim had.

Jason tackles Tim to the ground. Tim screeches as he goes down until Jason’s weight lands on him, knocking the air out of him. He hears a door slam open and rapid footsteps race toward them. “Jason nooooo!” Tim yells as his older brother grabs him in a one armed headlock and rubs his slimy hair all over Tim’s face and neck. “But Tim, I just wanna hug my __precious widdle brother!__ ” Jason says as he scoops fallen slime and noogies it into Tim’s hair. Tim warms with pleasure at the title even as he groans and goes limp in defeat.

Bruce stands a few feet away, looking frazzled but amused. A chuckle escapes Bruce. Jason’s head whips around like a predator scenting blood. Bruce steps back. Jason’s manic grin grows. “ _ _Bruce,__ ” Jason says. He sounds like sunshine and rainbows and all things fluffy and sweet. He releases Tim, letting the younger man slump to the floor, and stands. 

“ _ _Jason,__ ” Bruce says, putting his hands up and stepping back again. “You know, I think Dickie is right, we don’t hug enough in this family,” Jason coos, ignoring Bruce’s attempts to dissuade him. Bruce fights a smile but sighs and holds his arms out to meet his fate like a warrior.

Jason throws his arms around Bruce, slapping a giant scoop of the slime onto Bruce’s back and smearing it around. Bruce sighs but he’s still smiling. He hugs Jason back, patting his son on the back even as Jason rubs his slimy face across Bruce’s chest. Jason lets go and steps back. He raises his hands and pats slime and glitter onto Bruce’s cheeks, smiling serenely. “Okay enough of that,” Jason says. He starts to walk away, leaving Bruce with a smile twisting on his face, a ruined suit he’ll probably keep out of sentiment,a face full of glitter, and Tim in a defeated puddle on the floor. Bruce helps Tim to his feet.

Which means that Tim refuses to get up, citing a desire to accept his defeat and become one with the floor. So Bruce throws Tim over his shoulder and carries him in the direction of a shower.

* * *

 

Bruce is just getting into his own shower after having dropped Tim off in a different bathroom- having convinced Tim to give vertical life another chance- when he hears a distant indignant howl immediately followed by laughter and then a squawk. __Ah, Jason found Damian and Dick.__

After his shower he finds Damian and Dick in the main kitchen. Both sport identical shimmers. Dick is plying Damian with his favorite dessert. Damian is blaming both Tim and Dick. Dick for starting a prank war with Tim and Tim for messing up and getting Jason involved.

Cassandra is in the entryway, systematically scooping glitter slime out of the bucket and smearing it all over her exposed skin and hair. She looks at him and smiles wide, extremely pleased with herself. He nods at her.

“You look lovely, Stephanie will love it,” Bruce says, making a mental note to add body glitter to the long list of gifts to buy Cass. Alfred will despair but won’t object to anything that makes Cass happy and doesn’t involve night work. Stephanie, on the other hand, will be both jealous and ecstatic. Cass nods and pulls out her phone to snap a selfie. Moments later he phone jingles as Stephanie answers. He leaves Cass and goes in search of Duke, hoping to warn him in time.

He’s too late. Duke is face down on the arm of the couch in the sitting room he’s taken over. The rainbow glitter slime is particularly vibrant against Duke’s dark skin. Duke raises his head just enough to glare at Bruce. “He found you then,” Bruce says. Duke scowls. “You realize this is never coming out of my hair, right?” Duke says. Bruce considers this- he still has a healthy amount of glitter clinging to him even after the shower. He looks like one of those characters from the bizarre vampire books Stephanie gave him.

“I’ll call a professional,” Bruce says. Duke drops his head back onto the couch and groans. “ _ _Several__  professionals.” Duke gives him a thumbs up.

Bruce thought that was the end of it. He really did. And then he sees Alfred.

Alfred sports a smear of glitter across his cheek, like Jason had darted in and kissed his cheek. Bruce freezes mid step. Alfred nods at Bruce. “Master Bruce,” Alfred says, and then goes back to cooking. Bruce backs away and moves quickly down the hall. But sound travels far in the manor and Bruce’s laughter reaches Alfred loud and clear. Alfred smiles. He will no doubt be removing glitter from all over the manor for decades but it’s worth it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeeey It's been an age and a half.  
> Look at me posting a new fic and stuff. Just in time for Tumblr to implode! 
> 
> It's been so long since I posted any fics that I've actually jumped through writing binges for like three other fandoms. Not to worry though! I have...so many half edited and half written fics for this fandom. 
> 
> Did I hop povs mid fic? Yes. Yes I did. and you know what? I didn't even notice until now so it's fine. The rules of writing are bendy.
> 
> Edited 4-27-19  
> Fixed minor errors, rephrased some things, and I think I added a few new lines.


End file.
